“Popi went to go meet Jesus.” My life shattered when I heard those six words. August 26, 2021, my sister and I sat at home watching The Suite Life of Zack and Cody. I still remember the exact episode playing on the TV before it all happened. My parents returned from the hospital after reassuring us that everything would be okay, and the news they shared physically hurt my entire body in a way I cannot put into words. My life was pretty picture-perfect, and I did not know why God would strip away one of the brightest lights I knew. Nothing in my life could ever be good again. The worship songs on the radio, the old text messages kept on my phone, the spontaneous trips to SONIC on a sunny day; all of it reminded me of him.
When an opportunity arose about a year later for my Dad to continue Popi’s legacy as the senior pastor at New Providence Baptist Church, I could not even fathom the possibility. I was hurt even thinking about being in the same building where we wheeled Popi’s casket out to be buried, so there was no way I thought our family could attend services there every week. Even worse, the church was an hour away from my comfortable house and life in Halls Crossroads. I spent sleepless nights worrying about my future and anxiously spiraling out of control.
Still, life moved on. I registered for classes at Lenoir City High School and became “the new girl” in every conversation I entered. Looking back over my sophomore, junior, and senior years as a Panther, I am truly blown away to recount everything that happened.
If I could have given myself one piece of advice that first day of sophomore year, I would say, “Take the pressure off.” On my first day at a new school, I was absolutely terrified. I put so much pressure on everything I stepped into. I had never gotten the chance to start fresh, so I knew I had to make a perfect first impression. That same scary pressure has crept in when I have thought about the future and my next phase of life. Whether it was picking a college, finding roommates, or competing for scholarships, I have felt so much pressure. You never get this first chance again, so I thought I had to make it perfect. The truth is, everything always works out.
I did not know that stepping into a journalism classroom to try to design the yearbook would eventually lead to a Nashville conference trip that holds some of my favorite memories. I did not know that sitting in the front of the room near Mrs. Wallace meant every single day of work would be full of laughter. I did not know that auditioning for a Singers class in my sophomore year would lead me to meet my closest friends, whom I could not live without. I did not know the life that Lenoir City High School held.
The girl who stayed up worrying about whether she would have friends or not is now recording “Don’t You Worry” podcast episodes with friends about how Jesus has been working in their lives. The girl who was scared to attend an oddly familiar church is now leading worship for the entire congregation. The girl who was terrified about her high school years now cannot imagine her life without them.
I realize now that when I gave up the worry, I experienced a joy that can only come from full reliance on the Author who has been writing my story from the beginning. I still don’t understand worldly pain, but I’m trusting the one who does. My high school experience started with heartbreak, grief, and fear beyond expression. And I can confidently say it is ending with a precious hope.
